


Love Isn't Like That

by adorkablephil (kimberly_a)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Dysfunctional Family, Established Relationship, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Recovering from Crappy Childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 22:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9927827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimberly_a/pseuds/adorkablephil
Summary: The Lester family is obviously too good to be true.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know this same basic story has been written tons of times, but this is what was in my head today, so I wrote it down. It's my take on Dan's family background.
> 
> OBVIOUSLY this is just fiction. I know nothing about Dan's family and very little about Phil's, and this isn't even intended as even the tiniest amount of speculation. I don't mean to cast aspersion on anyone. This is a purely fictional exploration of emotional issues that affect a lot of people.

The first time Dan met Phil’s family, he thought he understood them. They were obviously on their best behavior, trying to be nice to a guest they had never met before. Phil’s mum hugged him immediately after Phil introduced them, telling him, “Phil’s told me so much about you!” Phil’s dad shook his hand and smiled warmly. Martyn had waved a casual hello and quipped, “Welcome to the humble Lester abode!”

Over dinner that night, they were all very cordial, discussing what they’d each been doing that day, asking questions about each other’s work, good-naturedly teasing each other, sharing things they’d heard or read about recent news stories, suggesting possible activities for the rest of Dan’s visit, and always making sure to include him in the conversation despite his crippling shyness. They smiled and laughed a lot. After dinner, there was some humorous wrangling about who was going to do the washing up, and Phil’s dad ended up hugging Phil’s mum and kissing the top of her head before grabbing a jokingly protesting Martyn and dragging him into the kitchen to help.

It was like watching a family on tv, but he understood that this was how people act in front of strangers, so he didn’t think much of it.

* * *

The fifth or sixth time Dan met Phil’s family, he started reluctantly questioning whether they were just really fake. Nobody was that nice in real life. Okay, maybe **Phil** was, but Dan knew that parents weren’t that funny and nice and supportive all the time, so he started pulling away a bit, not liking them quite as much, because how could you really like somebody who never really acted honestly around you?

They didn’t call him on it, though. He had previously started to open up a bit, contributing more to the family conversations when he was there, but now he clammed up and just watched what went on around him, looking for the cracks, waiting for the bits of truth to be revealed. None of them asked him what was wrong, though Phil shot him some confused glances. They just kept doing their best to include him and being gracious when he responded with sullen reluctance. Phil’s parents seemed to smile at him even more often, actually, and their smiles looked almost sad, like they felt sorry for him, which only made him that much more withdrawn. He didn’t want or need pity from a bunch of people who constantly put on this nicey-nice act.

At least he was being honest about how he felt. He felt kind of superior to them, actually. At least he was **authentic**. He wasn’t a **fake**.

* * *

The first time he went on holiday with Phil’s family, he started to think maybe they were just honestly really ridiculously nice people. He was with them most of the day every day, and yet he’d never heard Phil’s dad yell at anyone at the dinner table, and his mum never made subtly snide comments. When Phil messed up at crazy golf, Martyn’s mockery was always accompanied by a fond smile and a nudge to the shoulder.

Nobody ever hit anybody or called them ugly names, even if they broke a dish or said something stupid.

He started to think maybe this was what the Lesters were really like.

He started to think they were actually kind of weird.

* * *

The first time he cried in front of Phil’s mum, he cringed away and tried to wipe the tears from his face as quickly as possible, but she hurriedly pulled him into her arms and rocked him slightly, murmuring reassurances that everything was going to be all right, everything was okay, he was safe and they loved him.

It only made him cry harder.

He didn’t visit again for a while after that.

* * *

The first time Phil asked him why Dan didn’t like his family, they were lying in bed together, sweaty and sated and intertwined, whispering confidences in the darkness. Phil sounded sad. “They really like you,” Phil said softly, “and I really want you to like them, too.”

Dan nestled in close and spoke into Phil’s shoulder, glad that the darkness hid his face. “I **do** like them.”

Phil stroked the bare skin of his back gently and murmured, “Then why don’t you ever want to come with me when I visit them anymore?”

Dan shrugged within Phil’s embrace. “They’re not **my** family. I don’t really feel like I fit in.”

Phil kissed the side of his head and huffed out a quiet laugh. “Of course you fit in! They love you! They know you make me happy, and so they **do** see you as part of the family. They always miss you when I see them and you aren’t with me.”

Dan rolled his eyes, though he knew Phil couldn’t see it. “Don’t exaggerate.”

He felt Phil pull away from him slightly, trying to see his face in the dim light. “I’m **not** exaggerating,” Phil said earnestly. “They love you, Dan.”

Dan pressed close to Phil’s body and hid his face, pressing his nose to Phil’s bony clavicle. He felt hot tears leaking from his eyes but hoped Phil wouldn’t notice.

* * *

The next time Dan saw Phil’s family was the following Christmas. The Howell family had gone to India again, but Dan had said he had too many responsibilities in London to be able to take that much time away. But he had assured them that he had been invited to spend Christmas with the Lesters and so would not be alone for the holiday.

He put a painful amount of thought into his gifts for each member of the Lester clan. Phil had assured him that they could just give joint gifts from both of them, but Dan wanted to buy gifts of his own. He tried to remember everything he’d learned about each of them over the years and carefully chose things he thought they each might like. He was nervous, though, that he’d chosen stupid gifts, that they would be too nice to say they didn’t like what he’d gotten.

The minute he and Phil came through the front door, Dan had found himself engulfed in Phil’s mum’s embrace. “Oh Dan!” she cried. “It’s so good to see you again! Thank you for coming!” When she pulled away, she was dashing tears from her eyes but beaming at him with what he could only interpret as true affection. Phil’s dad surprised him by clapping him into a firm hug as well, saying gruffly, “It’s been too long, son. We’ve missed you.” When he released Dan, he put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, smiling at him warmly. Dan felt overwhelmed. Martyn, who he saw fairly often because of his involvement in Dan and Phil’s business interests, just casually called, “Hey,” from his seat on the sofa across the room, but he smiled and looked genuinely pleased.

“Um … hi,” Dan stammered, ducking his head in embarrassment. Phil’s mum herded him into the lounge to sit across from Martyn and asked him if he was hungry. Phil trailed along behind them, a wide smile on his face. Dan glanced back at him, looking for rescue. Phil came forward to take Dan’s hand and sat close beside him.

“We’re good, mum. We brought sandwiches to eat on the train. Thanks, though!”

Phil’s mum tutted about her boys not needing to eat sandwiches on a train when she had perfectly good food for them here, but Phil just smiled at her, so Dan followed his lead. “Thank you for thinking of us, Mrs. Lester,” he said awkwardly.

Phil’s mum’s eyes went wide. “Goodness, Dan! You can’t still be calling me ‘Mrs. Lester’! Have you been doing that all these years?” Dan shrugged, uncomfortable, feeling that he’d made a gaffe. Phil’s mum came closer to put her hand on his and said in a gentler voice, “You should call me ‘mum,’ dear. If you’re comfortable with that.”

Dan bolted from the room, knowing that he was probably offending everyone but not able to stay there another moment without bursting into humiliating tears. He ran to the room he always shared with Phil when they visited and closed the door. He didn’t emerge again until Phil hesitantly knocked on the door to tell him dinner was ready. Everyone acted perfectly normal at dinner and no one mentioned his odd behavior, but Phil’s mum smiled at him with kind eyes.

Dan made sure he never had to call Phil’s mum anything for the rest of their stay.

* * *

The first time Dan really talked to Phil about his own parents wasn’t until they’d been together more than five years. They were curled up together on the sofa under a blanket, just quietly enjoying the warmth from the fireplace and from their bodies cuddled so close.

“You’ve never asked why I don’t take you home to see my parents more often,” Dan ventured hesitantly. “I mean, you’ve only met them a few times. Didn’t you ever wonder why?”

Phil tugged the blanket more snuggly around them and said, “Maybe at first. But then I just figured you didn’t want to talk about it. I figured maybe you would when you were ready.”

Dan pressed his cheek to Phil’s chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat for several moments, then said quietly, “I guess I’m sort of ready.”

Phil didn’t say anything, but his arms tightened around Dan slightly and Dan knew he was just giving Dan room to talk at his own pace.

“They can only be nice in small doses,” Dan said quietly. “Like for a couple hours. That’s why we never stay the night there.” They lay together in silence for a while, then Dan added, “I wouldn’t want you to see what they’re really like.” Phil’s arms tightened again and he pressed a kiss to Dan’s hair.

Dan didn’t say anything else about it and they just lay together.

* * *

The first time Dan felt like his parents really loved him was on a crazy-golf course in Orlando, Florida. One of the employees had offered to take a picture of the family, and they were squashing together so they could all fit in frame. After the flash had gone off and the guy was handing Phil his phone, they all broke apart, laughing. Dan pressed his hands to his face and said, “My cheeks hurt from all the smiling I’ve been doing today!”

When he turned and saw Phil’s mum and dad watching him fondly, he knew what it was like to have parents who really wanted him to be happy.

It was a new feeling. He threw an arm around Phil’s waist and pulled him close and whispered, “I love you,” in his ear. But in his heart, Dan was saying it to four people and not just one.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, give some of my other stories a look & find me on Tumblr at [adorkeablephil](http://adorkablephil.tumblr.com/) if you so desire. Kudos and comments feed my soul!


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